Maximize your Environmental Impact!

At the Massachusetts Sierra Club, I often wrote articles short articles on how to decrease your carbon footprint, decrease waste, and so on, like “Ten ways to save energy.” I knew that people read them – I regularly received comments, many of them quite nasty, by people who thought that I was going too far.

The more I thought about those who complained, made me realize that these people became defensive because they were wasting energy, creating waste, or whatever, and felt that their waste should be okay because of their specific circumstances.

One article that provoked the greatest number of comments was my article on plastics. People defended plastic waste as necessary. I typically responded that some plastics are literally lifesavers; such as disposable gloves for medical use, plastic wrappings for sterile instruments, and so on. But when I said that bottled water was absolutely unnecessary and a sad waste of resources, I was going too far. “What would happen if the water supply were contaminated?” “Public fountains are filthy” and “It’s a better choice than sugary soda.”

“Dear Idiot, I wanted to write, “Bottle water may be a better choice than sugary soda, and it’s definitely better than stabbing yourself in the eye. But there are other choices... like carrying your own f---ing water bottle!” But I was representing the Sierra Club so I had to be nice.

What if I had taken another path, the path of helping people make BAD decisions? They’re making them anyway; now they’ll have the definitive guide to rationalizing their self-absorbed lifestyle! So here goes:

8 Things you can do to Maximize your Environmental Impact!

There are so many ways, is it possible to narrow it down to just eight? It’s hard, and I readily admit that I should have made this the “top 25” or more.

1.  Buy a diesel car or pickup truck.

Diesel cars get better MPGs, which is less pollution per mile, right? And they’re cheaper to run. You don’t have to replace many parts as often, and diesel engines last longer than gasoline internal combustion engines, right? And the exhaust smells better. Of course, that smell is made up of carcinogenic hydrocarbons – thousands of them. So many, in fact, that they still haven’t identified all of them. The ones that they do know cause cancer. And now, it turns out that the better mileage was really just deliberately deceptive software.

2. Buy, rent, or lease an SUV

Don’t you love sitting higher up when you drive, seeing the roofs of more cars while you’re stuck in traffic? Don’t you love getting lower gas mileage than your sanctimonious Prius-owning friends? Always being prepared to drive on those unpaved roads that are so common in your neighborhood? Being more likely roll over? And that one time a year that they don’t plow your street, you can drive on 4-inches on snow? And remember, during a 10-year period, the average SUV owner may spend over $7000 on gasoline than a small car owner, just for the fun of moving around an extra ton of steel! Maybe SUVs are safer in an accident… although the crash tests don’t agree.

3. Buy bottled water

The choice is pretty simple: you could buy a bottle of water for anywhere from $1 to $2, or you can drink tap water that costs about a hundredth of a penny for the same amount. That $1-2 for the bottled water goes to burning fossil fuels, ads, lots of profit, and the plastic bottle. That bottle is made from fossil fuels, and it will last over 1000 years, perhaps longer. There are so many other good reasons to buy bottled water… tap water is continually inspected by local, state, and federal agencies for purity, bottled water is checked by a for-profit corporation. Historically, for-profit companies are great at self-policing. Government regulations require that your tap water’s exact contents be reported, down to “parts per million.” Bottled water can ignore all those annoying regulations!

4. Idle your car

Don’t you hate getting in a cold car, except maybe in July and August? Despite the fact that today’s car engines and exhaust systems are damaged by idling, having a well-chilled vehicle on a warm afternoon beats that $1500 bill for a new exhaust system – or a LOT more for new engine valves! Idling also helps you use up gasoline. Maybe you can bring your MPGs down to single digits (aren’t lower numbers better?).

5. Use your clothes dryer, even on sunny summer days.

I would be so embarrassed if my neighbors knew that I had tee shirts, and wore (gasp!) underwear. By using my dryer, nobody will ever see my clothing unless I’m wearing them. The real question is just how l-o-n-g it takes to hang up laundry – three minutes wasted!  It takes a lot less to just throw stuff in the dryer. And you’re only saving about $1 per load.

6. Single use everything!

Measuring is so complicated. How many teaspoons in a cup, or liters in an acre? Do I honestly need to constantly do long division just to have a snack? I buy everything in pre-measured plastic containers: coffee, yogurt, breakfast cereal, cooked rice, soup, everything! Coffee is the best… did you know that k-cups are only 10 times more expensive than bulk ground coffee? That means that my favorite super-tasty Costa Rican dark roast costs only $100/pound in k-cups! And since I recycle those used plastic containers, there’s no waste!

7. Living large

Ahhh… the feeling of space. Giant rooms with high ceilings, lots of spare bedrooms in case family members want to visit. Extra bathrooms; it’s embarrassing to share a bathroom! And always an extra fridge for those big parties! Seriously, who can live these days without a home theater? Ugh! And always remember to keep the air-conditioning on from April to November just to keep out the dust.

8. Drive (in your air-conditioned SUV) instead of taking public transit

Did you know that there are germs on buses and subways? People cough and sneeze there; many of them have diseases! It makes perfect sense to drive instead of taking public transit: you can arrive with your hands permanently fixed in a white-knuckled grip.

There are so many other ways to increase your environmental footprint… this isn’t meant to be a comprehensive list. But please tell me yours! Overconsumption? Getting a new phone every year? Tell me!

Phil Sego was formerly at the Massachusetts Sierra Club. He retired at the end of 2015. He was also contributing blogger at the Huffington Post.
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